I realize I have not updated my blog in over a week. This is probably because nothing blog-worthy has happened to me. Well, that's not exactly true. Lots of blog-worthy things have happened to me that I didn't really remember when I actually had time to blog, so no blogging about these things took place, and they are probably lost forever. Or maybe I'll remember them later. Who knows.
Anyway! I would write about my trip to London today, which was very fun (met up with old friend from middle school, friend who did CME and is back in London now, and went to hear the LSO...again), but what I'm actually going to write about is my trip BACK from London, because it's far more amusing, and, let's face it, you've all had enough of my "and then I did this followed by this with a dash of this-and-that" entries.
The British are big on manners. This is well known. A littler known fact is that only MOST of the Brits are big on manners. I discovered this today on my really, really long train ride back from London.
I had the misfortune of catching the 2200 Liverpool St. -> Ipswich train, which is essentially a door-to-door service on rails. I think they built some extra platforms in the middle of nowhere and gave them creative English-sounding names just so the train could stop at more stations.
I had the additional misfortune of picking the World's Loudest Coach (aka "The Coach that I happened to board b/c I was sprinting to catch the train"). The train ride started with a very loud gentleman behind me making a call on his mobile phone (this is generally considered impolite). He then proceeded to have the World's Most Boring Conversation with presumably the World's Most Easily Amused Person (I don't know who else could have stood to talk to him for that long). I will fill out this description with a representative quote:
"The dinner was nice. Except there were these two queens there, and they were very bratty. You know, just so queen-like. They must have picked me out as a fellow queen, you know? And they were just going on and on saying things like 'Oh, we don't DO public transport.'"
Comment 1: I did not realize it was in style to announce things like this to an entire train coach.
Comment 2: Perhaps these two lovely men do not "do" public transport because there are annoying men talking loudly on their mobiles incessantly. Just a thought.
I wished several times over the course of the evening that I had some method of recording the conversation, because it was that ridiculous. Queenie then proceeded to ask his hypothetical conversational partner how his lunch went. Unfortunately, he had to ask this question about three times, because the reception was poor. Maybe the reception was poor because poor reception is a sign from God that you shouldn't be torturing people on the phone and in your general vicinity with your boring life. About every five minutes he would lose signal and promptly dial his friend back. At one point, he was talking (loudly) about how he'd gotten his driving license revoked because he, quote, "killed a few people and they're just so bothered about that kind of thing these days." I assumed he was joking, but then he went on to say "well, I don't actually kill people, but if I did, those two queens at the party would be at the top of my list." Once again, not the thing I would necessarily announce loudly on a train, but that's just my opinion.
If I were the kind of person who killed people, people who talk loudly on their mobile for half an hour on the night train when people like me are trying to sleep would be on the top of MY list. Just saying.
Not that sleep was an option. On the OTHER side of me were three girls of varying ages who were trying to arrange a ride from Ipswich Station to some adjacent town. They attempted to procure this ride, loudly, and via mobile device, while the teenager in the group whined incessantly about how this procurement effort was "ruining her social life."
The train ride was an hour and a half long. I thought my head was going to explode.
This brings me to my other point about manners. English culture forbids confrontation with an offender. You are allowed to eye-roll, sigh loudly, shift about, and complain to non-offenders (but not TOO loudly), but you must never, ever ask the perpetrator of annoying behavior to stop. English culture also apparently requires you to constantly inform people if they are NOT bothering you. Twice over the past week, I have had people change seats from sitting near me to sitting somewhere else, and they have politely informed me of their reasons for doing so, and assured me repeatedly that it WAS NOT because I was doing anything wrong. It occurred to me several times that I could a) confront the offenders or b) change coaches. Obviously, aforementioned rules forbids option a, and I chose not to elect option b because I was legitimately concerned that I was going to offend someone. Good lord I've become English.
In the English manner system, queue jumping is very, very bad. That might not seem like much of a denouncement to Americans, but keep in mind that "quite nice" in English means "outstandingly, unbelievably amazing," so "very, very bad" is something awful indeed. However, I have found it exceedingly hard not to queue jump, but only because there is a queue for absolutely everything. Case in point: when the tube (aka "subway") pulls up, everyone forms a queue to get on the train (of course letting all the other passengers off first, politely). However, the doors to get on the train are about 4 people wide, and yet there is invariably a single-file queue. This is not how it would work in Boston. It is physically uncomfortable for me to sit in the queue, and to resist the urge to jump it, yet I must, or I will be given very dirty looks (the horror).
If I think of anything else blog-worthy to post, you have my e-word that I will do it promptly ("promptly" being defined as "when I get around to it").
Most sincerely and politely,
Crazyank
